The Truth About Hell

You know it's funny, ever since Crimes Against Commerce came out people have come to me asking if I really do know The Secret To Life. The fact is I do. Like Stretch Walker, God talked to me. Unlike Stretch, it wasn't just the Union God who gets three days and holidays off, but The Real God.

I met Him (or Her) on helicopters during medivac trips, in ambulances, and I think I met Him (or Her) at Six Flags once.

God does not, I will note, need a season pass to get into Six Flags. They let Him (or Her) in all year for free.

He (or She) has a sense of humor. This explains the Republican Party.

If you're curious and want to learn more about God, a demon, and The Way Things Are, buy Crimes Against Commerce and look at Page 62. If you don't like what you see, go ahead and burn the book, but remember — buy it first.