She can read!

Subject: The Lost Generation

Chapter 1 - the intro reads well, introducing the MC with some depth of personality and detail. Works for me as a prologue, little redundancy, generally active - true to voice.

The segment with doctor, consider keeping active, hold reader in the story - i.e., the opening "It's not good news, the doctor said." Instead of “had said' which tells what Michael had experienced, instead of relates the experience as it happens. I'm also an adverb scratcher - i.e., deliberately, impatiently - consider action in mannerism to show the impatience - tone of voice, drumming fingers on desk, throwing darts at Barney?

Stretch and Tony are effective for me, and Stretch encountering Michael ties together - consider ending the chapter there to hook to the next.

Mercy segment the next chapter? How does she relate to Michael? Stretch? Roger (mentioned by Tony in encounter with Stretch). And the 'travelers' names so similar, read several times to get the gist of who was speaking - effective ending to signify time and place - deciphering 'rap' .

I do like the story, would like to read more. Playing out for me as urban reality meets avarice meets the chessmaster (Stretch's 'boss').

Keep Writing!
Kate Sender