It's A Glamour Profession

Most folks think of writing as a glamor profession. The fact is salaried journalists sulked away as one of the bottom four least respected professions in a recent survey. Their pay sucked too; averaging $35,000 annually - less than your average garbageman.

Freelance writers are even worse off. I belong to a bunch of writers' groups. Most writers have to work day jobs to support their writing habits - even writers with several books out. I've met some of them who will work for free, or a penny a word. They say they do it, "Just to get their name out".

Would a doctor do that? Or a stockbroker?

I thought the days of indentured servants were long gone...

(Hey, on another note, I got excited when I checked Amazon.com and found Crimes Against Commerce had squeezed in something like a millionth place in line. Other books were sitting at the tens of million. Mine had been to Harvard - and WNBC called yesterday... they want to review it.

Who said an Ivy League education didn't mean anything...)

If you really want to write, and you really want to make a living at it, you're going to wind up working at, or freelancing for, trade magazines. Take a look at www.woodenhorsepub.com . This is your future.

Scary, huh? This is Stretch Walker's world in Crimes Against Commerce. These are the invisible guys in journalism nobody thinks about. They're also the guys who make twice as much money as "traditional" journalists.

If you want to know more about them, read Page 62 of Crimes Against Commerce. Tobin pretty much spells out the heart and soul of trade publishing.

He's a dog's dog lined up to be gassed.

How I made it to Stanford and Harvard

I Google myself about once a week. I know that sounds like something perverts would do in a dark alley for $25 to somebody in a short skirt. Someone ugly enough you'd have to Google them in the dark. But in the 21st century, every writer needs to do it just to find out what kinds of horrible things folks are saying about them.

It turns out lately a whole lot of you haven't been bitching about me lately. That surprised me, but that's another story for another time.

As it turns out I was amazed to discover my books are being sold at Stanford University. Granted you can buy my books anywhere through Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com, but you can plunk down something like $15 and get "Crimes Against Commerce" across the counter there. I checked Harvard too. They're there.

I checked my alma matar, Central Washington University. Nope. After I got the bookstore manager on the phone, she said, "You're from SPOKANE?" She was still laughing when she hung up on me.

You can't buy my books in Spokane either.

I was shocked and amazed. I have no illusions about being the next J.K. Rowling or Stephen King. My work may be good, but it's not THAT marketable. My agent couldn't possibly get me into the Ivy League.

Then a cold streak ran down my spine. I imagined one of our future presidents, say around 2016... somebody like JFK or Jimmy Carter reading Crimes Against Commerce. Getting to know Stretch Walker. Reading pages 142-160. I became frightened. Really frightened. At this writing I'm 49. I now have an incentive to die before I reach 60.

I won't be looking both ways when I cross the street any more.

The Truth About Hell

You know it's funny, ever since Crimes Against Commerce came out people have come to me asking if I really do know The Secret To Life. The fact is I do. Like Stretch Walker, God talked to me. Unlike Stretch, it wasn't just the Union God who gets three days and holidays off, but The Real God.

I met Him (or Her) on helicopters during medivac trips, in ambulances, and I think I met Him (or Her) at Six Flags once.

God does not, I will note, need a season pass to get into Six Flags. They let Him (or Her) in all year for free.

He (or She) has a sense of humor. This explains the Republican Party.

If you're curious and want to learn more about God, a demon, and The Way Things Are, buy Crimes Against Commerce and look at Page 62. If you don't like what you see, go ahead and burn the book, but remember — buy it first.

A Tough Day On The Schoolyard

I recently discovered Crimes Against Commerce won't be available in your child's elementary school reading program or available to most kindergarten students.

I was shocked.

Understand I spent a lot of years in newspapers and magazines, where I worked my way up from beat reporter to publisher. I'm big on freedom of speech, and that message— America's First Amendment— shines through every page of this novel.

I'd like you to read it yourself and see if the National Education Association's guidelines regarding reading material are, in fact, too Victorian for our children. I think they are, and our kids are being deprived of a lot of fine literature; not only my work, but that of great authors you'd be amazed to learn about.

After you've read the work yourself, if you agree it should be in your local library take it into the next school board meeting.

What, you don't attend school board meetings? Damn, the next thing you know you'll have principals like me running your schools...

--Ed